Ending

Something strange happens when an ending in imminent. All of the sudden moments, even the mundane, seem richer. Everything you do is layered with the realization that this will one day, very soon, be a memory. 

I’ve always said that everything beautiful is a little bit sad, because you know it’s going to end. A sunset inevitably sets, a rainbow eventually fades. But that sweet sadness has made me cherish my time and my relationships here in Nepal. I knew it was going to end, and here I am, with just four days left. 

In these final days, time has been flying by with lightening speed. Yet in the midst of the speed, time has seemed able to pause in moments of beauty or happiness, as if it were suspended in mid-air. It is in these moments that I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this chance to be here. Yes, SALT has been incredibly difficult and challenging at times, but it has also added so much goodness to my life. It has changed me, in more ways than I know how to express at this time. Leaving will be painful, but arriving home will come with it’s own adventures and goodness. 

To those I’m leaving; thank you for the impact you’ve made in my life. I feel you all in my heart and you will forever be in my memory as something very special. I will miss you dearly and I truly hope we meet again. 

To those I’m returning to; I have missed you all soooo much. Your love and support from afar has helped me through the good and the bad here in Nepal. I am so grateful for our relationship and I am so excited to be reunited with you all very soon! 

Three Meters

     

        They say Kathmandu moved three meters to the south during the 7.8 earthquake. I say, really? That’s it?! Over 8,000 people died, thousands more were injured or left homeless, and an entire country’s population was terrified, and we only moved three meters?! It seems like we moved miles, worlds even, between 11:55am on Saturday April 25th and 11:57.
After the earthquake, I found myself living in a world that was so different from the one I lived in before. For days, the ground beneath my feet shivered, raged, swayed, and boomed. Solid ground, which I had always considered reliable and trustworthy, betrayed me and became my greatest source of fear. Hour after hour, we were all bracing for the next aftershock, watching, waiting for things to get better... or worse.
Adrenaline, survival instincts, fear, exhaustion; all these were a constant presence in my chest, in my gut, in my mind. But despite these being some of the most terrifying days of my life, there was an inexplicable space for humor, friendship, and bonding. Some people refer to what took place during the trembling as “trauma bonding”.  Regardless of what you call it, this experience has entrenched this country and the relationships I’ve built here into a unique and permanent space in my heart.
It’s hard for me to summarize the experience of the earthquake in one short blog post.  My perspective of the experience keeps changing day by day. It was such a major part of my life, and it changed the way I think and see the world. I would have to write a novel to fully explain its impact and complexity. Saying that, continue to keep Nepal in your thoughts and prayers, for the earthquake is still a part of daily life, and forever in the hearts and minds of the people who experienced it. 

A Case for Walking

       Walking in Nepal is necessary. The most logical and convenient way to get around is on your own two feet. At first I found walking everywhere to be a slight inconvenience. It took up so much time, and my feet hurt. Quickly though,  I grew accustomed to the walking culture and it has become much more than a necessity to me.  

       I find in America, people zip from one thing to another. We can pack our schedules tight, because travel time is greatly cut by use of fast cars and nice roads. Because of this, we jump from activity to activity at 60mph, with hardly any time in between. I now think, that this habit could be hurting our mental and emotional health. 

       On average, I walk about an hour a day, be that going to work, running errands, what have you. There is so much space between my activities, of which I can spend in thought, or listening to music. What I cherish most about this time, is the space it gives me to process. Within the half-an-hour it takes me to get to point A to point B, I can reflect on what I just experienced, notice new things around me, appreciate the beauty of the mountains in the distance, prepare for where I am heading, or just walk in the peacefulness of wordless thoughts. 

     I often arrive at my destination refreshed, a bit warm and physically tired perhaps, but feeling mentally and emotionally renewed. There is a saying in the Himalayas, that even if your body feels fine to keep climbing, one must stop for the soul to catch up. I find that in Nepal, I am moving at my soul's pace. I now understand how necessary it is to slow down, and to give yourself time for the day you're living to sink in. 

       

The Strength and Silence of Women

http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/nepali-woman-carrying-basket-royalty-free-image/117145013

       It’s time for me to talk about my women. I am quite convinced that the women of Nepal are some of the toughest human beings on the planet. Not only are they constantly working, by doing all the cooking, cleaning, farming, and child-rearing, they also carry the weight of the entire family’s spiritual purity. This makes them incredibly strong. I see their thick hands, their calloused feet, their resilience in their eyes, and my God, it seems like they could move mountains. I am in absolute awe of these women. And that is why I am so distressed that these superwomen of humanity are too often made to endure subhuman, sometimes inhumane, treatment... in silence. 

      It is with these women, whose minds have been fractured by silence and trauma, that I work every day. I almost want to avoid learning their stories because I just cannot bear to think that behind those friendly smiles, sweet “namastes,” and hospitable natures, are stories of abuse, rape, torture, homelessness, and hunger. I am always shocked when I see pictures or videos of the state of some of these women when KOSHISH rescued them. It is almost impossible for me to believe that the same woman who was just laughing with me, warming me up with her shawl was, just a few months ago wounded, dirty, and psychotic, wandering the streets where she was often abused. 

       But KOSHISH is an amazing place, in that as much heartbreak as I feel, I feel twice as much inspiration and hope. As well as seeing amazing recoveries of clients at the Transit Home, I also get to work in the office with a group of powerful women and passionate men, who are making great strides in establishing mental health and women’s rights as prominent issues in Nepal. I feel incredibly honored, in the very brief time that I am here, to be a part of this organization, and play however small a part in this growing movement towards healing and justice.

Himalaya Gazing

For when you gaze long into the Himalayas...

The Himalayas gaze also into you.